


If Only If Only

by mortifera



Series: Skewed Perspectives [1]
Category: D-Grayman
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:09:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3649812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mortifera/pseuds/mortifera
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If only Lavi hadn't been so insistent on meeting this "cute guy" he'd met at a frat party, then he’d never be in this position.</p><p>If only he'd never met Allen Walker, then he would never have been forced to endure this.</p><p>If only that irritating sprout had kept his mouth shut and never shown up to that stupid rendezvous that Lavi had set up.</p><p>If only he had put up more of a resistance when Lavi practically dragged him to the movies with promises that this would only be a one time thing and he would make him soba for the rest of the month.</p><p>If only he hadn't fallen for that idiot.</p><p>{Discontinued}</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [renieule](https://archiveofourown.org/users/renieule/gifts).



If Only If Only

 

 

If only Lavi hadn't been so insistent on meeting this "cute guy" he'd met at a frat party, then he’d never be in this position.

If only he'd never met Allen Walker, then he would never have been forced to endure this.

If only that irritating sprout had kept his mouth shut and never shown up to that stupid rendezvous that Lavi had set up.

If only he had put up more of a resistance when Lavi practically dragged him to the movies with promises that this would only be a one time thing and he would make him soba for the rest of the month.

If only he hadn't fallen for that idiot.

 

It hadn't been intentional, hell, he didn't know a thing about love. His only passion had been art, martial arts, and soba. He didn't have room in his plans for some idiot.

But Allen fucking Walker had somehow waltzed his way in without a goddamn care in the world.

Walker, who'd been a stranger only just a few months ago, had weaseled his way into their little trio and become a regular in their little group. Lenalee and Lavi had been more than amicable to welcome the little shit to their group, totally fooled by that fake-ass gentlemen act he pulled out of his ass. Of course, it had disappeared the moment Kanda looked at him and made a comment about his height.

"This shorty is in college? Did he even graduate high school?"

It wasn't abnormal for him to say shit like that, he didn't possess a filter on his mouth, and it wasn't offensive to him at least. Apparently that’s not how the other took it though, a dark expression taking the place of the polite, cheery smile he wore and eliminating the humorous glimmer in those gray hues, smoldering with anger.

"I thought you mentioned only having one female friend Lavi, not two."

Essentially, Lavi had to hold him back from beating the ever loving shit out of the boy, who looked about as keen as him to go at it with the other. But sadly, Lenalee had put an end to the fight with a sharp word to him, which left him sulking and glaring at the white haired, whom merely stuck out his tongue and ignored him for the rest of the day.

He'd thought, stupidly, he wouldn't have to deal with that irritation so long as he avoided Lavi's invitations to hang out and shit, but heaven fucking forbid things ever go the way he wanted them to in his fucking life. Turned out that the little shit not only went to the same fucking school as they did, but he also happened to be in the same major program as he was in. Oh, and several of their classes were with each other. Fucking perfect.

But nevertheless, he’d tried to ignore him, he’d tried to keep that asshole out of his life and avoid him as much as possible, but the little bastard didn’t seem to understand the words “Fuck off” because he would greet him amicably and sit beside him in every class they had together, often making snide comments whenever he could get one in.

Which was very annoying.

Still, he put up with it. Why?! He had no idea, but that was probably his first mistake, not putting a stop to Walker’s stupid antics the very first day.

The only class where he could really get away was his last class, which often centered around simply sketching for an hour and turning in whatever you had, so both of them were entirely focused on their own work. It was here, where Kanda was able to relax, to discard his anger and place it into whatever he felt like drawing, which usually ended up being lotus flowers, as they were the only thing that truly brought ease and peace to his mind. The hour would always pass by so quickly, and each time he finished, he would always find his paper filled with carefully drawn lotus flowers, capturing their intricate beauty almost perfectly, yet each one he drew was never the same, holding a different aspect or unique feature which separated it from his other drawings.

He never showed his sketches to anyone but his teacher, who often praised him and gave him vital critique to further enhance his skills, which wasn't limited to the flowers he constantly drew, but to anyone who glanced at his portfolio, it would certainly seem that way. He had a way of remember certain things easily, capturing minute details and somehow capturing it in what seemed to be relative ease, though on the contrary, he always put his full concentration into his works, especially when he wanted to get something off his mind.

And lately, that something had been that idiotic beansprout.

It was usually simple for him to forget irritating people - art would provide the distraction needed to do so - but even after he would be through with whatever he was working on, his mind would only return to focusing on that white haired bastard. Perhaps it was because his appearances were a bit difficult to forget, since it was bound to be difficult to forget someone with such strikingly strange facial features. At least, that was his justification and reasoning for why he seemed to be unable to keep his mind off Walker. Like, who in the right mind bleached their hair white and then claimed it to be natural? Or tattooed a weird sort of stigma down their left eye?! It was just downright weird. Not to forget that idiotically fake smile he hid behind whenever he was around anyone. Completely asinine, pulling out that crappy farce and acting like it was some retarded form of politeness.

But he saw right through that crap Walker threw up, the fierce gleam of anger at being subtly insulted and that twitch of an eyebrow or fist, revealing flaws in his act, subtle enough to be overlooked if one was not familiar with them, but they were there. Everyone seemed to fall for it, even Lavi and Lenalee, who were insightful and sharp in their own ways, failed to identify whenever that bastard was putting up a front.

But why it bugged the hell out of him and kept lingering in his thoughts was still a fucking mystery to him. He couldn’t fucking stand it.

He’d avoid him when he could, which was hard when you had the same goddamn classes, but he felt he managed well enough, completely ignoring the other’s existence and pretending they were not acquainted with one another. Which worked well enough, except when Lavi dragged him along with Lenalee and Allen to their destination, which was often the bar, but they occasionally went to other places like the movies or went bowling.

And speaking of meetups, he was supposed to be getting ready for a rendezvous with the others in little over an hour.

The keyword being “supposed to”, as he was still lounging in his bed and sketching.

Currently, he was debating whether or not it would be worth going, since he had no love for karaoke whatsoever, (in fact, he detested singing in front of anyone) but Lavi had this obnoxious habit of getting him to slip a few drinks and then recording Kanda’s little performances. Of course, Kanda only found this out a few weeks ago, which had resulted in Lavi nursing a head wound till this day, Kanda refusing to speak to the stupid red head for days.

Alongside this, he was also increasing his efforts into avoiding Walker completely, which, though he knew was ultimately impossible, he stubbornly refused to admit any of it to himself.

It dawned on him as he came back to reality, that the sketch he'd been working on had turn into a familiar someone else, surrounded with half drawn lotus flowers. With a feral growl, he shut the book and tossed it across the room, glaring at it as though it were the book's fault for making him draw that.

His phone made a soft noise, a text from Lavi reminding him to come over, and that if he didn't, he would make sure he'd regret it. Whatever the hell that meant. Snorting, he quickly replied and shut off the phone, flipping on to his back and staring at the ceiling. He was getting way too worked up over all this, this was completely asinine.

Sighing, he forced himself up to change, albeit extremely reluctantly.

 

 

* *

 

 

Lavi would pull this kind of shit.

He'd arrived a little early, so when he found only Walker, he was already slightly suspicious, and as the minutes ticked on, his glare became fiercer and the limited amount of patience he possessed was drawn short. That glare had been directed mostly at the white haired man, since he had nothing better to do, whom merely returned it with a blank look, though that hard glint in his gray eyes was unmistakable.

It was basically an hour of waiting for his friends to come while glaring at Walker, only for the realization to both hit them that they'd been set up.

Kanda had left without speaking a word to Walker, trying to get in contact with Lavi so he could vent and rage at the stupid rabbit for trying to fucking set him up. He got the opportunity to do so later that week.

"What the actual fuck Lavi?!" He'd finally been able to corner the bastard and confront him, and it was clear from the slightly guilty gleam in his one eye that his guess had been spot on.

"C'mon Yuu, I was just trying to help ya out...."

"By leaving me with Walker?!"

"I was just trying to help you, since it didn't look like you'd ever do anything about it!" Lavi snapped right back at him.

"What the fuck are you even talking about?!"

"The fact that ever since you've met Allen Walker that you've been the most irritating bastard who won't fucking admit he's attracted to someone for once!" Kanda was surprised by Lavi's outburst, since he rarely ever saw him get to the point where he'd swear as profusely as Kanda did.

"I don't fucking-"

"Yes, you do!!! He's the only person I've ever seen you argue that much with and take such ridiculous measures to avoid! If you didn't like him, you'd straight up tell him and ignore him and wouldn't bother with all this!" Whatever the fuck had gotten into Lavi had clearly not been through with half of what he meant to say, but he'd cut him off before he could continue, wanting to hear nothing more of this issue.

"I fucking despise Walker, and I don't want to hear another fucking word out of you!"

With that, he stormed out of the other's apartment.

 

 

* *

 

 

It'd been a few months since then, and of course, things had only gotten worse for him.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Walker in general, and whenever he saw him, something always just seemed to click, it was a warm feeling, tugging at his heart in a way he'd never felt before, and, fuck, did it piss him the hell off.

It didn't help that as much as he had increased his efforts to avoid Walker, the other seemed to have doubled that and infiltrated his life more than he thought possible, easily becoming a norm at their lunch table, study groups, and even hang outs.

He couldn't get the bastard out of his head if it meant his life, so it wasn't much of a surprise when that was transferred onto paper, the sketches of familiar white haired man becoming more frequent and detailed, much to his dismay.

"Kanda, this is the tenth time you've refused to turn in your sketch."

His teacher had called him in earlier to discuss his sudden lapse, and he provided no explanation other than a flimsy excuse that they had not been his best efforts.

Clucking his tongue, the professor shook his head and dismissed him, clearly not satisfied with the response but realizing he wouldn't get a satisfactory response out of him.

He couldn't help but flip through the pages, since as much as he'd wanted to fling them all into the trash, he couldn't muster up the resolve to, which was just as perplexing as the feelings he could not comprehend.

"Did he get on you again?" A familiar voice asked, and Kanda snapped his sketch book shut and glared at the man behind him.

"What's it to you, Walker?"

"I was just curious." The white haired snorted, taking a seat beside him and glancing at him. God, he really hated those silver eyes, it felt as though they were capable of seeing right through him and all that crappy shit. "I mean, your sketches can't be that bad that you refuse to turn them in, it's not like he's looking for perfection."

"Just screw off." Kanda snarled, stuffing his already packed bag with his materials and standing up swiftly, only for a it to suddenly rip and let all his things fall to the floor. He swore loudly, trying to gather everything as quickly, papers and books splayed out all over the floor. He collected and organized them as best as he could, before realizing that first sketch of Walker that he'd torn out of his book was missing.

Fuck.

Sure enough, Allen Motherfucking Walker was holding it and scrutinizing it curiously, which he made a grab for it.

"Did you draw this?" Walker held it away and was giving him the most irritatingly look.

"Fuck off Walker." He tried to snatch it again only to miss.

"So that's a yes." Fucking bastard refused to let go and moved the paper further away.

"You--! Fuck!"

"Your extensive use of vocabulary has always impressed me Kanda."

He finally managed to grab it.

"Tell anyone and I'll kill you."

And he stalked away.

 

 

 

* *

 

 

 

He should have known that there was no way Walker would let it go like that, as the very next day, while he was in the library, Walker confronted him with an ultimatum.

"I'll keep quiet if you'll be my model."

"What the fuck?! No!!"

"I'll tell Lavi that you have a sketchbook full of sketches of me."

That little fucker. How did he even know?

"Fuck you."

"I'll take you up on that offer later, let’s meet up Thursday outside the library."

Walker just had a way of getting whatever he wanted, and it pissed Kanda off. Of course, if he had been honest with himself, he'd have known that if he really despised being twirled around Walker's dainty little fingers, he'd have done something about it. What a fucking mess.

 

 

* *

 

 

He'd gone to the library after his last class had finished, a scowl written across his face as he caught sight of Walker, his white hair hard to miss in such bright weather. And heaven forbid he not wear that stupid grin on his face as soon he saw Kanda's expression, probably pleased that he'd managed to one up him for once.

A fucking bastard through and through.

They didn't say a word to each other, Walker immediately setting off once he'd gotten closer and leading him to the student parking lot. He pulled out a set of keys and unlocked the door of a shabby corolla, which he made no comment on its sad condition other than a soft snort.

If the car was any indication, his apartment wasn't much either, just a one of those cheap studio places that are relatively affordable. The furniture was sparse, the room mostly empty save for a couch, which looked like it served a double purpose as a bed, a simple coffee table,some bookshelves, a cabinet, and basic kitchen appliances.. Though what was most eye catching was the enormous canvas which covered the wall, what appeared to be a clown carrying a coffin darkly painted onto it. It was weird, to say the least, as the clown wore a nearly happily deranged expression, and yet, tears were streaming down its face, the coffin bearing an eldritch cross that seemed to hold more meaning than Kanda could interpret.

Forcing himself to look away, he glanced around and found Walker digging through his bag and fishing out his sketchbook and other drawing medias.

"So, why me?" It was Kanda who broke the silence, pursing his lips as he tried to wrap his mind around it.

"Because of your stunning personality."

"Answer the fucking question beansprout!"

Sighing, the other took a moment to organize his stuff and splay it out on the table, before collapsing on to the couch.

"It's just a project, alright? We had to pick a random person and you just happened to be the one, okay?" He sounded tired, and he noticed for the first time that there were dark spots under his eyes and he looked paler than he usually did.

"But why me?"

"God, Kanda, just let it go."

"I have a goddamn right-"

"Fine: I'll tell you if you tell me why you draw me all the time."

That shut him up.

"Good. Now can we get started?"

With a growl, Kanda was tempted to walk out, but the last thing he needed was Lavi to know about his sketches of Walker.

"What do you need me to do?" He growled reluctantly, flopping unceremoniously to the floor.

The other pursed his lips, examining the floor space before him, and then at Kanda.

"Can you just lay down over there? And do what you would normally do."

Kanda complied, walking over to the place indicated and splaying out in a comfortable fashion, the way he normally would. It came to his attention that he would be in this position for a while, and though it was irritating having his hair in his face, he'd rather it not be held in a stiff ponytail for the next few hours or however long this was going to last. Once it was down, he could vaguely hear the scratching of a pencil against a paper, the silence between them suddenly seeming quite apparent, but he felt no need to disrupt it, staring aimlessly at the wall before him and letting his senses wander, listening attentively to the sound of lead moving across the paper in quick, smooth movements, watching the gentle rays of sunshine slipping through the cracks in the curtains and leaving the room feeling wonderfully warm.

Time seemed to slip through their hands, Walker sketching away and doing whatever he needed to for his project while Kanda merely remained still and watched Walker's meticulous work out of the corner of his eye.

He gazed at the lovely mess of white hair, pristine and carefully arranged about his face, his silver eyes narrowed with concentration, moving back and forth in sync with his pencil, eyebrows knitted together closely. His lips were pursed slightly, chapped, which was only worsened as the other licked his lips. It was only then, that his eyes flickered up and met Kanda's for a brief second, before they both looked quickly.

At some point or another, he knew he’d have to confront these fluctuations of emotions which kept coming every time he was with Walker, but for now, he’d try his best to ignore them. Love, or whatever the fuck this was, which was definitely not love, it would go away eventually.

Or so he’d been telling himself for the last five months.

“I think this is good enough for now.” Walker’s stare remained directed at his sketch, Kanda getting up and stretching with a loud groan. He hadn’t realized how sore he was from laying like that, but then again, it was probably because he’d been so tense.

“Good.” He growled as he began to gather his stuff quickly, ready to leave and be done with this.

He was halfway to the door when he realized Walker hadn’t moved an inch, sparking his irritation. “Oi, we going or not?”

“Aren’t you hungry?” He didn’t seem perturbed by the sharp edge in his tone, how like him.

The suggestion prompted a quiet growl from his stomach, which he hadn’t realized that it had been hours since he’d eaten anything. “No.” Another growl.

“That’s not what your stomach says.” Fucking Walker and his sharp ears.

“I have a project due tomorrow. And a paper to write, I’m leaving.” It was a shitty lie; he almost never procrastinated anything; it just seemed stupid to put it off till later. He reached the door and grasped the door knob, gritting his teeth at the chuckle he heard from behind his back.

“Have fun walking twenty miles then.”

Fuck. He’d forgotten he’d gone in Walker’s car. He briefly considered walking, but honestly, even he had a limit, and he didn’t have any money for the bus, not that he would have taken it if he had any, for that matter. He’d met enough creeps on there to convince him never to use that method of transportation, even if he was dying.

Still, he remained there at the door, half opened and pondering his options, knowing he’d have no other choice but to stay however fucking long Walker wanted to drag this out. With a sharp sigh, he looked back to flash a glare at Walker, who was gazing at him in bemusement, those stupid silver hues glimmering with good humor, thoroughly enjoying Kanda squirm internally. Relenting wasn’t an option, but he seriously didn’t want to walk all the way back to the university. Slowly, and reluctantly, he released the knob and let it close shut, continuing to glare at Walker, who merely returned it with that stupidly amused expression.

The white haired man laughed, again, leaving his things on the couch and moving to the small kitchen area. “Anything you want?” Walker inquired as he began to set out some plates and grabbed some pasta from the pantry.

“No.” He replied stiffly, forcing himself to maintain his faltering glare, moving himself to the couch and plopping onto him, still watching Walker.

“Suit yourself.”

He didn’t seem to bothered by Kanda’s attitude, which was the same as always, and he continued his preparations, all the while, humming a tune to himself. It reminded Kanda of that melody that played on Walker’s phone whenever it rang, which was quite often. He found himself suddenly recalling the weird ass mural in the room, curiosity getting the better of him.

“Did you paint that weird shit?” He asked gruffly, the other frowning in reply and glancing at him in confusion, before following his stare and understanding.

“Yes, it was something I started a few years ago when I…...felt inspired.” It wasn’t what he meant to say, but Kanda didn’t press the issue. It wasn’t important. “I add to it whenever I feel the need to, but it's been awhile, so it's just sort of…sitting there.”

The expression written across his face was something he’d never seen, half wistful and sad, his typically fake optimism replaced with an air of something akin to mourning, but it wasn’t that. Regret, perhaps. It was then, when Kanda realized there was probably a lot more to Allen Walker then he’d originally thought. He wasn’t sure what to make of it.

Walker finally came over when he finished his pasta, marinara sauce dribbled lightly over it with a whit of parsley placed on top, holding two plates in his hand. Well, one plate and a fucking huge ass platter in the other. How Walker ate that much and maintained his lean figure was a mystery he figured he would never discover. He didn’t want to know either.

“Here.” He extended his hand with the small plate to Kanda, who was about to refuse it when his stomach let out another rumble at the smell of the food, and though it wasn’t what he normally ate, he was fucking starving.

Gracelessly, he took it with a mumbled thank you and began to pick at it. It wasn’t bad, since Walker was kind enough to go light on the sauce, but food was food, so he finished just a little after Walker.

“Where the fuck do you keep all that?” He sneered as he glanced scathingly at the other, whom was mopping up the remainder of the sauce on the plate with his finger.

He shrugged, “I’ve always had a big appetite.”  
“I don’t think a dinner for five counts as a big appetite, Walker.”

“At least nothing ever goes to waste.” He grinned, patting his stomach, which didn’t show any sign of having just had a meal big enough to feed a family. “I’ll drive you home now.”

“Finally.”

 

 

 

* *

 

 

 

For some weird reason, dropping by Walker’s house had become a regular thing now.

First, it had started because Walker had insisted he needed him to model once more, and then, he would pull the same shit as the first time, even when he drove himself, he would blackmail him with the knowledge of what he kept filling his sketchbook with. So he’d done so, reluctantly, and as the visits became more frequent, the silence between them became less and less, at first, starting with little comments or snippets, at either his artwork or his eating habits, but then, it progressed to things beyond simple conversations, going into details of their likes, dislikes, why they’d even chosen a major which they were bound to find little to no income in. Of course, they argued - that was inevitable, what with Kanda’s sharp personality and Walker’s short temper, but they never lasted long. Somehow, it was different, although subtly, from before, in which they would merely yell or snip snarky comments back and forth at one another, now, it was more towards establishing a dominance, demonstrating their point, until they could go no further. It was satisfying, to some extent, to get a rise out of the usually well mannered man, who would lose control of his tongue once his fuse was lit and spew profanity darker than he’d heard from anyone else he’d ever met, enough to rival his own.

When he lost his temper, his British origins would show, his accent, which he had never really noticed up till now, would flare up, slurring certain words and pronouncing others oddly. It was disgustingly attractive.

Regardless of these squabbles, they never lasted longer than an hour, at most, as they seemed to find themselves in a sort of comfortable impasse. It became almost natural for them to begin those conversations, enjoying them whether they became arguments or they were simply informative. Through this, they'd learned a bit about the other, though initially, each had been reluctant to open, Kanda in his usual stubborn way, while Walker in a subtle, but strong denial.

Walker had originally been an orphan from Britain, whom been adopted by multiple people only to be tossed away due to his paralyzed arm and depression-like state. He'd been born with it, apparently, and after years of therapy, they'd been able to get it to function, though the scars from his days as an orphan with lack of proper treatment still remained. The guardian he ended up with was a rather wealthy individual, who often took to unpleasant habits such as binge drinking and regular trips to the brothel. He was crude, exasperating, and, to put it as Walker had put it, the worst kind of bastard in the whole fucking world. He'd never gone into details on why he hated his guardian per say, but he was intuitive enough to grasp the gist of it. For Walker, similarly to himself, art had been an escape, a way to translate those feelings he kept locked away within his heart. A teacher had noticed his talent and encouraged him to enter the field. He'd been reluctant initially to consider it, as apparently he had a severe fear of debts and was the most thrifty person Kanda had ever come across. But at some point, Walker had realized this was his passion, and decided to follow it regardless of his fears.

This had all been told through different conversations, in which Kanda would pretend to be oblivious to whatever Waller was saying, never commenting whenever he shared small snippets of his life. In turn, albeit reluctantly, he would grudgingly share a bit about himself, something he'd never really done with anyone. Of course, he only went into vague details on basic aspects of his life, nothing like what Walker had given to him, but despite that, Walker seemed relatively pleased with what Kanda had revealed.

It also came to the point where Kanda could no longer stop including Walker or some aspect of him in his drawings, as even when there wasn't a trace of him in it, his presence was still there.

This time around, he'd found himself sketching a half nude Walker, portions of his body covered with water and surrounded by a bed of lotus flowers. He'd given up on the whole thing where he'd tried to stop himself from drawing, it only hindered and caused him to think about that bastard even more.

"What's that?"

Walker had apparently finished his shower, his hair dripping tiny droplets of water onto Kanda's shoulder, leaning over to get a better look at Kanda's sketch. There was no point in hiding it, so he just sighed exasperatedly.

"Nothing." He grumbled as he tried to close the book, only for it to be taken, Walker gazing at it intensely.

"Oi, give it back."

Ignoring his order, Walker continued to look at it, a curious expression dawning on his face before he returned it to Kanda.

"Why am I naked?"

Snorting, Kanda shook his head, wondering why that was the question that had bugged the other the most.

"Didn't feel like drawing clothes." He snipped, casually avoiding the fact that he'd been curious as to what lay beneath the thin layers of clothing the other wore.

Walker seemed amused, "Is that your way of saying you want to see what's under my clothes? You can be cute in a very odd way."

"Hell no!" This guy either had mind reading powers or knew exactly what to say to get under his skin. Probably the latter. Damn bastard.

"Then why?"

"None of your fucking business Walker." He bristled as he slammed the book shut and made a move towards the door, but Walker grabbed his wrist and held him there.

"It is my business." His tone had suddenly become serious, "And it bugs me. There are a billion people in this world you can draw, but you choose to fill your sketchbook with me. Why?" He had closed the distance between them, what the fuck, how the hell was this shorty so damn strong? The steel tight grip on his wrist refused to break as he struggled, scowling as his attempts were futile.

"Fuck off." He tried again to free himself, but to no avail. "Besides, nothing means nothing; it's just a fucking sketch."

"If it was then you wouldn't care about it instead of refusing to answer me." He froze at the statement, expression cold as he felt a growing sense of dread and ominous, as though something was about to happen.

"Of course I don't care." He snarled weakly.

"Then tell me."

Fuck this bastard just wouldn't let it go. And he really didn't like how close he was, he could smell the clean scent of the shampoo he'd used, feel the heat emitting off him, and it was making him slightly crazy.

"Let me go." He growled.

"Not until you tell me."

"You're going to be here awhile."

Then there was that stupid smirk he wore when he was about to either say or do something stupid.

"I plan on it."

And then he kissed him.

To say it was unexpected would be an understatement, Kanda was completely caught off guard, unable to comprehend the moist, firm lips molding themselves around his own, gently and sweetly pressing themselves against his.

After a second, he regained his senses and pushed Walker off him, running out the door and away from Walker, who was calling after him, his voice slowly fading as he fled.

 

 

* *

 

 

 

It had been five days since the incident, and Kanda had avoided Walker completely, refusing to go to classes or even leave his dorm. He knew he'd have to face him eventually, but for now, he really needed to wrap his mind about what the fuck had even happened. Who in the fucking right mind just kissed someone in the middle of a fight? Seriously, there had to be some loose screws in that brain of Walker’s.

He wasn't really sure what he'd found more confusing, his reaction to the whole thing, the fact that Waller had been able to get that close without Kanda having his guard raised, or the lingering pleasant sensation on his lips even days after it had happened.

He must be losing it, to act so stupid over some asshole, he had to be misinterpreting his feelings, because there was absolutely no fucking way he felt anything towards Walker. No fucking way.

Having been so absorbed in his own thoughts, he'd failed to see the constant string of messages appearing on his phone from a very anxious redhead, the length of them getting longer and increasingly frequent. So when the loud raucous sound of knocking finally registered, it was too late to spare him the furious lecture he had coming.

"Fuck off!!"

"Kanda you better open this door right now!" Oh shit, that was Lenalee's voice.

He ran over to open the door to find Lenalee with the most enraged expression on her face, Lavi cowering behind her and mouthing the words “I tried to warn you.”

Shit, what had he done now?

"Look, I know you have a hard time opening up and expressing your feelings, but this sort of behavior is unacceptable!" She snapped, violet hues gleaming furiously as she pushed him back into his room and shut the door on Lavi's face, who looked utterly terrified for Kanda. "Your bickering I could handle; your bitchiness, however, I can not. It's one thing to avoid your own feelings, Kanda, but it's another to ignore someone else's and hurt them and leave them in the dark like this!! Not everyone understands you like me and Lavi, we know why you act like this, but to other people, it's not only extremely crude, but confusing!!"

He played it stupid, because a small part thought he could still wiggle his way out of this. "What the fuck are you even talking about."

Wrong choice of words.

"Me!? Kanda, you know exactly what I'm talking about, don't give me that bull! At first I came here to lecture you, but I can see it's just going to be wasted on you, so here's the gist of it, either tell Allen you like him or tell him you like him, because it's pretty damn obvious to everyone that you like him."

Revision: she wasn't mad - she was livid, and he was going to be found dead in the ocean if he didn't play his cards right.

"I don't-" He tried to interrupt her but she was having none of it, her eyebrows furrowing deeper and that dangerous scowl darkening.

"Don't you dare say you don't have feelings for him, because you know damn well if you didn't, you wouldn't be doing any of this! So stop being a coward and just get it out the way!" She didn't seem even close to finish with what she wanted to say, but she gave him a moment to respond.

"This is none of your fucking business."

She sighed, looking exasperatedly, "Of course it's not, it never is when ever it deals with something you don't want to acknowledge. So are you just going to hide in your room till....what? Allen forgets about you?"

Maybe.

"Walker means nothing-"

"Then prove it!!"

He was slightly surprised by the volume of her voice, practically yelling her last reply.

"Prove it." She repeated, "Go to his apartment and tell him you hate him.”

"Will you get off my back if I do?"

"Yes."

"Fine."

 

 

* *

 

 

It hadn't taken him long to get to Walker's apartment, and the whole way, he thought of nothing but the one thing he intended to say to Walker. He would just straight up tell the goddamn bastard what a fucking pain in the ass he was and how much he fucking hated him.

So when he arrived, knocking obnoxiously loud, and Walker opened the door, looking tired and then surprised to find Kanda there, whose hair was disheveled and dark cerulean eyes glaring daggers at him.

It was at moment when he realized everything he'd meant to say was fucking useless and the shittiest lie he would ever spew from his mouth.

Well, not really, he did hate Walker, just not in the way he'd thought.

So instead of saying what he had meant to say, he stepped forward and planted a kiss on those stupidly alluring lips, messy and poorly executed, but a kiss, none the less.

It lasted seconds, before Kanda pulled away and gazed at Walker, whom had been taken completely by surprise and was blinking stupidly, trying to comprehend what had just happened.

When it did, he grinned up at Kanda and said, "You suck at kissing."


	2. Update

Hello to anyone still waiting for the next chapter, I'm sorry to say I really lost motivation for this project and sort of got stuck trying to write the next chapter. I have a good chunk written out but it feels very incomplete and it's not something I'm proud of. It's not really finish, but if people are interested in what I did have, I'd be willing to post what I do have. I'm also not updating Get It Off, because it has a ship I no longer like and I just don't like the plot anymore. But I do have several short Neallen fics planned for Neallen Week, which I will be posting. 

Thanks & sorry for the unfortunate update.


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